Tuesday, January 10, 2006

A public plea

Dear Britney Spears,

I know you have been out of work for some time now and that the situation has become so dire that you have agreed to be a backing singer on your husband Kevin Federslime's new album. I would just like to take this opportunity Ms Spears to offer you, what I am sure will be, a welcome career alternative.

In the wake of Christmas overeating the Junkie has not been feeling quite as lithe and toned as is usual. In fact the Junkie has even felt a little Mariah Carey-esque of late and in order to avoid any unnecessary and unpleasant physical exercise we are now seeking some alternative method of restoring the junkie's self esteem.

This, Ms Spears, is where you come in. We would like to offer you the tremendous and prestigious opportunity of simply following the Junkie around every day. This way the junkie's self esteem will be incomparably boosted and have a much improved body image , compared to you, and you won't have to degrade yourself by appearing on any nasty, eardrum assaulting, flop written all over it, debut album.

Have your people call our people.

Yours sincerely

Dr Emmanuel Pseudonym
Personal Physician to the Junkie

p.s I am a little concerned about your nipple peering at your shoes like that, you might want to get that checked out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this MUST be a genius scheme to dismay fans from approaching her for autographs. i know if i saw her i would be too afraid she would steal my bag, start rumaging through it screaming 'where's the chicken! i know you have chicken!' while gnawing on the handles.