Friday, January 06, 2006

Black Tuesday for Hilton

You know you've been thinking about celebrities too much when you start to dream about them but when Paris Hilton enters you're slumber it makes you wonder if you should carry on. Last night I dreamt that I was at a party and met Paris and I liked her! Also I gave her my hamster. It was at that point that I realised I was dreaming because I am a responsible adult and would not of course entrust Rabid Hilton with any small animal.

To ease my tortured mind this morning I refreshed my memory of Paris's upcoming court cases. She is to appear in Court on the 17th January (which has been quickly dubbed 'Black Tuesday') to be sued by Zeta Graff fellow heir-head for claiming in the New York post that Graff attacked her and tried to steal her diamonds and also by Los Angeles promoter (did you ever hear a more spurious job title?) Brian Quintana, who has claimed that Rabid bad mouthed him and threatened his life and is now seeking a restraining order.

My favourite part of the story is the response of Hilton's spokesperson. Now lets set the scene. You're in an early 19th century English drawing room, surrounded by various characters from cleudo, the scene is lit by an oil lamp and scored with a raging thunderstorm. When asked to comment about you're clients involvement in a courtroom scandal you say:

"When all of the facts are revealed in this matter, they will show that the victim is, in fact, Paris Hilton." (This should ideally be followed by an atmospheric crack of thunder and a da da daaaa!)

Now that's some classy PR.


Marcia said...

the worst thing about this story is that she's being sued for $10Mil. And Paris makes that, basically, showing up to a party. Even if she loses, she's not going to be "taught a lesson".

And that dress is FUGLY. But I think it would look hot on me. Because I'm not a dumb whore like PH.

The RetailJunkie said...

And that's where I feel I come in, beacuse clearly Paris reads this column and rates my opinion so highly that she'll be humbled by my scathing wit and change her whoreish ways. Oh and also Paris fix your eye.

Anonymous said...

does anyone else have the sneaking suspicion that Zeta Graff is just Zack Braff's alter-drag-ego, and this is revenge for some torrid one night stand? at least that is who i visualize on the witness stand smearing his excessive eye makeup with tearful testimony about how "she" can only date italian millionaires now because greek billionaires won't even use her for bumsex.

The RetailJunkie said...

Anonymous you are like a super sleuth! I have never seen those two in the same room. It's just like Michael Jackson and Latoya.

Oh and also Paris you've had 24 hours now, fix your eye.