Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Phew sorry I've been away for a while, but every good Junkie knows it's a good time to score when Kate's in town (Strictly Giraffe Hair and vintage clothes of course).
Anyway without further ado I present the Federfugs. I love this picture, lil Kevvy all done up nice and looking like like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear . And Brit Brit, aw sweety, so glad you could get time off from the all night diner to attend the local pig wrestling and hog tying championship awards. Just you watch that moonshine sweety, you know that's how you ended up with lil Cletus. Oh and if Kevvy wouldn't mind keeping his damn greasy hands off my bargain basement dress, I want it back clean. I have that annual 80's magicians assistant convention to go to Saturday and you know how tough it is to get cheese stains out of Polyester.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Shortly before Christmas he was spotted destroying an enormous Christmas tree. But, his latest binge has surpassed even this. After sinking a few cheeky sodas he declared he couldn't pay, as his wallet had been stolen, and asked the bar to run a tab for him. He then proceeded to launch into a series of karate kicks in the middle of the floor. Concluding the evening with a plate of chicken wings, the bones of which he kindly left on the floor. That's my boy.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
"What face shall I wear today for the Gaultier show? I could wear my 00's face, all taut, grown up glamour, worthy of writing children's books and iconic electropop. No, I think I need something more retro. Something which harks back to my golden age of (Gaultier) conical bras, fingerless gloves and neon tights. There it is my 80's face. All pseudo pre-Goth pale face, dark lips and high eyebrows. Perfect. Now if I can just find my Dutchess of York Sarah "Fergie" Ferguson's hair I'm good to go."
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
"Nobody cares, particularly the photographers, nobody cares to focus on what that is. She was just walking down the street with her girlfriend and they rushed her - four of them all surrounded her. So she panicked and slipped and all this sort of stuff. If I'd been there that would have been a really serious situation. I tell you right now, they will be tarred and feathered if they hassle my pregnant wife again."
And by tarred an feathered you know he means beaten to death with a phone. But personally, I can't blame him. His poor pregnant wife shouldn't have to put up with that crap. As far as I'm aware she doesn't court the media and even if she did there's no excuse for a group of men chasing a pregnant woman down the street. Go chase Paris Hilton she loves it.
See, I do have a soul, normal bitchy service will resume in the next post.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I'm sorry to disappoint all the friends fans out there but the long awaited and much touted, yesterday, 4 episode reunion special aint gonna happen. This is clearly because there is one rule of success as far as movies and TV go. And that is, that to be successful you must either be having sex with Brad Pitt or never to have considered becoming biblical with him.
Such is the power of Pitt's potency that he can ruin a potential starlet after just a minor fling. Past loves include:
Do you remember Robin Givens or Jill Schoelen? Na I didn't think so. And the exception that proves the rule? Gwyneth Paltrow.
Monday, January 23, 2006
On Brittany Murphy's last film she was renowned for behaving like a complete arse, never knowing her lines, always late etc.Her mum was with her on set at all times and one day, a runner went to collect Brittany from her trailer.She knocked on the door and was told to come in by Brittany's mother. The runner walked in to find Brittany in her underwear, bent over her mum's knee being spanked.The runner immediately backed away saying, "I'll come back later!" But Brittany's mum calmly replied, "No, it's OK. You should see this."
I have seen this and I think it should happen to Young Hollywood more often. Mama Junkie (obviously I have to pay to call her this) spanks me all the time (at 7:30 on Thursdays) and i'm a better (more sexually deviant) person for it.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
People of the world I implore you to stand up for Harden Jamison, a Maui cab driver, who has been threatened by Paris Hilton's heavies after trying to expose to the world that her bladder control aint so hot.
Harden claims that drunken Paris took a leak in the back of his car after returning from a party with beau Starving Nachos. But after taking his story to the National Inquirer, Hilton employed, heavies got in his cab and thretadened him. Harden, obviously a hardened (sic) cab driver threw them out and called the police.
This claim will not just go away for the Hilton Ho as Harden has the towel he mopped up the pee with and has endeavoured to get Hilton back with her own DNA. Good show.
Would Cameron really hit Britney in the face with a golf club to keep her man?
"Tennis is great. You don't even notice how much you run. You get a nice body, taut legs and great butt. I'll keep on playing if I find a good partner. But I want to win every time. I am very ambitious."
I want to hate her for fancying herself so much, but frankly, I also consider myself to have a great bod and hot butt and everyone agrees with me. So if Ska-Jo is anything like me, there are enough women baying for her, underpant elastic loosening, blood. So who am I to take down a fellow homewrecker? We ridiculously beautiful human beings have to stick together, As Angie once said to me.