Dear Jessica Simpson,
Should you stumble across my blog while flicking through Blogger, which I suspect you won't, please please please take a good hard look at this picture of yourself, see that person with the horrified look on their face just over your left shoulder? That honey, is you from the future and she's looking at you that way because you are her ghost of Christmas past. It would seem that life gets tough for you from now on, the relentless hours in makeup to get that sweet orange glow, the exhausting weeks, months and finally years you will spend attempting to convince the world your sham marriage to that porn star loving dude is a true love match, just take a peek over your shoulder to see the toll they are going to take on you.
The message then? Get real Jessica, no more plastic surgery or fake marriages, stick to what you do best belting out hits(ish) and gyrating in a bikini, then hopefully we can avoid the whole Christmas eve look back at your life, realize it was all a sham and buy everyone a turkey malarky.
Don't say I didn't try to warn you....