Monday, December 05, 2005

The Pete Doherty Guide to pulling a beautiful woman

1. Join underground Indie Brit band. Preferably with a niche underground fan base and haunting existentialist outlook.

2. Try heroin... Like it.

3. Select target woman. Woman should be incredibly successful, beautiful in a none conventional edgy kind of way and have a massive secret coke habit.

4. Begin to date woman and convince her that you are a true 21st century poet. This can easily be achieved by writing a song about her.

5. Get mate to take photos and video of her indulging in said massive secret coke habit and leak to popular press.

6. Whilst she undergoes rehab at posh Arizona clinic, run around with other women and basically give the impression that should she get back together with you upon her release social services should really be removing her child.

7. Try rehab yourself...Don't like it. Release yourself after a few days and then shortly afterwards and get caught in a car full of drugs. By the police.

8. Make a couple of public statement about beautiful woman who won' talk to you. First say you are amazed she has gotten herself clean in rehab as her hitherto massive secret coke habit was truly epic. Then when this didn't work try saying you will give prison (sorry rehab) a go again and that you and the beautiful woman are going to get back together.

If you choose your target carefully this course of action will definitely work. However, you must be aware that this will inevitably result in years of tumultuous marriage, affairs, children and ultimately suicide. If it's any consolation your music will be highly respected after your death and everyone will laud you for the 21st century poet you are and love the said beautiful woman for spotting it all along (the exception to the rule being Courtney Love of course).

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