So, sorry about the lack of new posts yesterday but it was my birthday. Kate and I (who if you haven't sent her a card, shares the same birthday as me) hit the town, we went to a few clubs and she offered me some Cola in the toilets. But, after a quick emotional mobile phone consultation with my physician Dr Pseudonym, I stayed true to the Promises seven step programme and just said no.
Things got nasty for a few moments but just to appease Kate I scratched 'Lost in Translation was so disappointing' on the bathroom wall. We went on to a few more clubs, we lap danced - you know the score, before ending the evening in Kate's hot tub sending text messages to Pete Doherty from my phone (he doesn't have the number) like 'Kate says she was thinking of Johnny Depp's hot ass when she was having tantric sex with you'.
It was fun, but obviously I was in no fit state to write yesterday. I got the scoop on Lohan though, apparently she's actually addicted to giraffe hair, which is ground down and inserted into her asthma inhaler for easy and discreet inhalation. And that giraffe hair can cause dramatic weight loss, change your hair colour and in some circumstances, can even make you pregnant.
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